PJO and the AU
by PeacexLovexPercabeth
Summary: This story takes the term "AU" to a whole new level. Ares is a god of love. Annabeth is a dumb blonde. Hephaestus is the hottie of Olympus. Artemis is a slut going around screwing everything on Olympus. And much, much more...
1. God of Love, Goddess of War

_Ares, God of Love and Aphrodite, Goddess of War_

"Helloooooo, Aphrodite, dear!" Ares exclaimed, running up to Aphrodite and giving her a hug. "It's a BEAUTIFUL day!"

Aphrodite, the goddess of war, turned to face her lover. "Oh. 'Sup babe?"

"Isn't love wonderful?" Ares gushed. "It makes the world go 'round. Especially Percabeth! They're just so cute! Look, they're kissing at the campfire right now!" Ares waved his hand and an image appeared of a black-haired boy kissed a blonde-haired girl. She had her arms wrapped around his neck and he was holding her waist.

Aphrodite smacked her hand through the image. "Ugh! I hate that stupid _Jackson_ punk! Which girl would be _stupid_ enough to date that loser?"

Ares widened his eyes in surprise. "Dear, how could you say that? _Hate_…is awful! _Love_…is amazing! Everyone _needs_ love!"

"Don't you ever get tired of talking about the 'amazingness of love' all the time?"

"Nope. As god of love, I strictly LOVE to talk about love. Love is the most…"

"Powerful source and motivator in the world. Yeah, you've said that about a million times."

"And I'll say it again! Now, my beautiful girlfriend, where would you like to go on a date?"

"I want to see WWE Smackdown tonight! You up for it?"

Ares scrunched up his nose. "But…fighting is so…hateful."

"I'm the freaking goddess of war; I'm _supposed_ to be hateful."

"Sometimes I question our relationship. You're about love, and I'm about hate."

"That doesn't mean ANYTHING, Aphrodite, dear. Look at all these people who are in love!" Ares waved his hand and images appeared:

Percy and Annabeth kissing

Ares's beautiful daughter, Clarisse, kissing Chris Rodriguez

Grover and Juniper holding hands

Katie and Travis snuggling on the beach

Even Aphrodite's own daughter, the arrogant Silena Beauregard, was hugging a boy whom everyone except Silena called Beckendorf

"Isn't it just great?" Ares cheered, his eyes beaming.

Aphrodite sighed. "Can we just…go to WWE Smackdown right now?"

Ares grumbled. "Fine…but only because I love you."

Aphrodite snapped her fingers and they both appeared at the WWE arena.

A typical day for Ares, the god of love, and Aphrodite, the goddess of war.

**Hey, guys! I know I should be updating my other story, "Beneath the Surface", but I've been meaning to write a story like this for a long while. It's one of those ideas I get that I just HAVE to publish. Ah, how do you like Ares as the god of love and Aphrodite as the goddess of war? It's weird, even for me! But that's what makes it a parody! :D**


	2. Artemis the Slut, Hunters of Apollo

_Artemis the Slut and the Hunters of Apollo_

"Hey, 'lil bro," Artemis greeted her twin brother.

Apollo rolled his eyes, as did the rest of his Hunters. "Why are you here Artemis? Shouldn't you be screwing someone?"

Artemis shrugged. "You know I can't resist myself from your _cute_ Hunters! I just got laid about twenty minutes ago…and I thought I'd visit my 'lil bro."

Apollo stomped his foot in frustration. "WE'RE TWINS, ARTEMIS! I'LL NOT YOUR 'LIL BRO! I'M TRYING TO HUNT WITH MY HUNTERS SO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Geez, 'lil bro, don't be so mean. Your Hunters are just so HOT."

The Hunters of Apollo, several male virgin hunters, rolled their eyes and sighed. Artemis was always there, trying to flirt with them.

Artemis strolled up to one Hunter she particularly liked more than the rest. He had brown hair and blue eyes and he was just about the hottest Hunter in the group. His skin was tan, and his body was muscular. His name was Brandon, and Artemis really wished he wasn't devoted to Apollo.

"Well, hello there, handsome," Artemis said, flipping her long auburn hair. Artemis knew she looked hot. She was wearing a pink half-shoulder shirt, a white mini-skirt, high-heels, gorgeous jewelry, her hair was styled like a model's, and her makeup looked perfect. The outfit also hugged her perfectly curved body and showed off her slender legs. It was no wonder just about every guy wanted to hook up with her.

In other words, Artemis was the complete opposite of her brother. Apollo preferred to stay in the form of a twelve-year-old, while Artemis liked to stay in the form of a teenager. Apollo was a virgin god, while Artemis went around screwing just about everything she could get her hands on. Apollo was a blonde, while Artemis was auburn-haired. Apollo had the sun, and Artemis had the moon. Yet, people _ALWAYS_ expected them to get along.

Brandon sighed. "Hello, Lady Artemis."

"So…you want a ride in my moon chariot, you know it's almost time for night to start." Artemis winked and gave him a dazzling smile.

"Sorry, Lady Artemis, but no. I am hunting with your brother, Lord Apollo."

"Pfft. What is it with you hunter dudes? It's, like, _soooooooooo_ boring."

"Artemis, shut up and go away!" Apollo snapped.

Artemis pouted. "Seriously, 'lil bro, why are you _always_ on me?"

"Well," Apollo started. "You're cocky. You're self-centered. You're immature. You hit on my Hunters. And you fuck _everything_ that walks the earth!"

"What's so bad about that?"

"Go away, Artemis. I'm trying to hunt."

"But hunting is _soooooooooo_ boring. You should totally give up that lame vow and just, like, SCREW someone."

Apollo's eyes flared. "Do not insult my vow! You know I don't like hanging around women!"

"_Someone's_ sexist!"

"ARTEMIS, JUST PLEASE LEAVE!"

"Wait, wait, wait…I feel…I feel…a HAIKU!"

Apollo facepalmed. "Oh no."

"Green grass—"

Apollo clasped a hand over his sister's mouth. "NO! NO, PLEASE! If you love me, you will _never ever _finish that haiku!"

Artemis rubbed her chin. "Hmm…prove my love for darling 'lil bro, or finish my fantabulous haiku…green grass—"

"ARTEMIS GO AWAY!"

"Oh, but what's the fun of going away? I'd rather stay here with your _HOT_ Hunter dudes! WHO WANTS TO SNORT CHOCOLATE?"

"ARTEMIS!"

Artemis pulled out a box of chocolates and a straw. "Come on…it's not like drugs at all and it's _really_ fun. Plus, it gets you in that…_mood_."

Apollo's blue eyes flashed murderously. "ARE YOU TRYING TO DRUG MY HUNTERS?"

Artemis shook her head quickly. "I'm not trying to drug them; I'm trying to _seduce _them. Learn the difference, bro."

"GET OUT RIGHT NOW! I AM TRYING TO HUNT A MONSTER THAT MIGHT CAUSE THE DOWNFALL OF OLYMPUS, THUS THE DOWNFALL OF THE WORLD!"

Artemis shrugged. "So?"

"If this monster destroys Olympus and the world…then there will be no more handsome mortal guys for you to make babies with."

Artemis's eyes widened. "Holy Hades, THIS IS SERIOUS!" She vanished in a cloud of silvery dust.

"Um, Lord Apollo," Brandon said. "Which monster will destroy Olympus?"

"None," Apollo answered. "I just wanted to get her out of here."

**I wanted to make this chapter longer, but I FAILED! But, like my instrumental music teacher says, it's not about how long the content is, it's about what's **_**in**_** the content. Hope you liked this chapter! And for my other story, Beneath the Surface, I will try to make it less boring and more dramatic! So keep your eyes open for my next update!**

**P.S. I got that "snort chocolate" thing from a Jenna Marbles video on YouTube. The video is called "Things to Do Instead of Cleaning Your Room". Here's the link: .com/watch?v=EvHwh9O9Tsg (just type in "youtube" in front of ".com", you'll get the video). :D**


	3. Dumb Blondes

_Dumb Blonde_

"OMG! OMG! OMG!" Annabeth squealed, scrambling into the cabin. The scent of her perfume was enough to make anyone gag, but since the children in the cabin were children of Athena, the stupidity goddess, it didn't really bother them. "GUESS…WHAT…JUST…HAPPENED?"

Annabeth's equally unintelligent half-sister, Mercedes, ran up to her. "LET ME GUESS! Um…Perseus asked you on a DATE!"

Annabeth shook her head. "No…sadly, no. BUT THE NEWS IS STILL EXCITING!"

"YOU GOT A NEW BOX OF MAKEUP?"

Annabeth started to tear up. "YES! YES! YES! OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG! THE MAKEUP IS, LIKE, SO FREAKING HOT! I MEAN, I'M GONNA LOOK TOTALLY SMOKING HOT WITH THIS MAKEUP ON…AND THEN—HOPEFULLY—PERCY WILL ASK ME OUT!'

The two blondes hugged each other and jumped up and down in excitement.

"Annabeth, I _totally_ need to talk to you about something," Mercedes said.

"Shoot!" Annabeth replied.

Mercedes twirled her finger in her hair. "I, like, READ A BOOK!"

"OMG! OMG! OMG! THAT MAKES YOU, LIKE, SMART! BECAUSE, LIKE, BELLE FROM BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, SHE READ BOOKS SO SHE _MUST_ BE SMART, RIGHT?"

"YEAH! 'CAUSE EVERYONE WHO READS A BOOK IS SMART! And guess what else? I learned A SECOND LANGUAGE!"

Annabeth threw her arms around Mercedes. "WHAT LANGUAGE? WHAT LANGUAGE?"

"I LEARNED AMERICAN! IT'S, LIKE, THE HOTTEST LANGUAGE OUT THERE! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY THE WORDS EXACTLY LIKE WE'RE SAYING NOW!"

Annabeth paused for a moment, deep in thought. Then she squealed. "OMG! I KNOW AMERICAN!"

"WE'RE SO BEAUTIFUL AND SMART!"

"EVERYONE LOVES US!"

They started hugging and jumping again.

Just then Clarisse La Rue, the beautiful daughter of Ares—god of—love walked in. She had long blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes. She was wearing armor that was pink and red, color coordinated to match her perfect makeup. She looked like warfare Barbie.

"Hey, Annabeth…and the rest of the Athena kids. You guys missed capture the flag! What's up?"

Annabeth squealed again. "OMG, Clarisse? Guess what!"

"What?" Clarisse asked.

"I KNOW TWO LANGUAGES!"

"Seriously?" Clarisse sounded shocked. Annabeth wasn't an intelligent person, neither were any of the Athena kids, for that matter, but Clarisse was too nice to admit it. "Which two languages?"

"ENGLISH AND AMERICAN!" Annabeth and Mercedes, once again, hugged each other and jumped up and down.

Clarisse had to resist the urge to laugh. She ran her hands down her beautiful blonde hair, looked around—did anything that would keep her from cracking up. "Um…"

"What?" Mercedes demanded.

"Uh…um," Clarisse stuttered. "Sorry to burst your bubbles, guys, but _American_ is a nationality. _English _is a language. The _American_ language."

Annabeth looked disappointed. "Oh…but, like, whatever! I still have my SERIOUSLY SEXY MAKEUP!"

Clarisse's face lit up. "Makeup?"

Mercedes nodded. "Yeah, Annabeth got new makeup. Don't you Ares chicks like makeup a lot?"

"Yeah," Clarisse answered, blushing. "I guess we do a lot."

"OMG!" Annabeth squealed. "WE CAN, LIKE, GIVE EACHOTHER MAKEOVERS!"

"Wait!" Mercedes said. "We're already _wearing_ makeup."

"GOODIE!" Annabeth jumped up and down. "WE CAN GIVE EACH MAKEOVERS OF MAKEOVERS!"

"AWESOME!" Mercedes exclaimed.

A typical day for the Athena kids, some of the dumbest blondes you'll ever meet.

AN: I'm very sorry if some of your IQs go down. It was actually really weird for me to type this. I mean, Annabeth as a dumb blonde? Sometimes on this website she's OOC, but I don't think it has ever gone to this extent. Please review! :D


	4. Badass Bitch Sally

"BITCH, I WILL KILL YOU!" Sally Jackson yelled.

Her wonderful and nice husband, Sweet-smelling Gabe, was cowering against the wall. Sally could be so violent. She'd lost her parents in a plane crash and grew up with an uncle that didn't really care about her. Then, she started kickboxing and wrestling. That made her tougher. The sweet, little innocent girl Sally Jackson was gone. Now…she was…Badass Sally.

"I-I'm sorry," Gabe stuttered. "B-b-b-but…there's no s-such thing as…b-blue food."

Sally's irises turned red. "ME? YOU'RE ARGUING WITH FREAKING ME? YOU KNOW I'M A FUCKING KICKBOXER _AND_ A WRESTLER! HOW DUMB ARE YOU?"

"I—"

"YOU ARE SUCH A FRUITY LITTLE ASS PIE! NO WONDER PEOPLE CALL YOU 'SWEET-SMELLING GABE'! YOU KNOW HOW FRUITY IT IS TO BE A MAN AND SMELL _GOOD_? AND WHERE DO YOU SHOP? FREAKING VICTORIA'S SECRET? YOU KNOW WHAT HER SECRET IS? SHE'S A MOTHER FUCKING MAN! A MAN! AND GUESS WHAT ELSE, TUBBY? PERCY'S A FREAKING DEMIGOD! SON OF POSEIDON, MOTHER FUCKER! DON'T FUCK WITH HIM! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? AND YOU KNOW WHY HE CARRIES THAT PENCIL COVERED IN BLOOD AROUND SO MUCH? BECAUSE IT'S A PEN!

"AND GUESS WHAT ELSE? POSEIDON IS A GREEK FREAKING GOD! HE SAID I WAS A QUEEN! WHY DO YOU THINK HE CHEATED ON HIS DUMBASS GIRLFRIEND, ATHENA, AND HIS PUSSY LITTLE WIFE, AMPHITRITE FOR ME? BECAUSE I CAN GO WITH CHUCK NORRIS AND SURVIVE! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I GOT A PACKAGE!"

Gabe shook with fear. "Um…what's in the package?"

Sally took a step forward and falcon punched him. "DON'T—INTERRUPT—ME—WHEN—I'M—RANTING!"

Gabe started to cry.

"Pussy," Sally muttered. "I'm going to enjoy this." She went to Percy's room and took up the little…package. The note read:

_Mom, this is for you. I slayed that punk ass hideous bitch, Medusa, and here is her head._

_You can use it to petrify that little pussy Sweet Smelling Gabe._

_Then, you can get yourself a tough boyfriend…probably one who I'll call "Blowfish"—but not to his face, though._

_From your hot and tough son, Percy Kickass Jackson_

Sally came out holding the head of Medusa. Gabe was still crying, but he turned around quickly when he heard Sally's footsteps.

"Gaby, I've got a present for you," Sally said in her creepy-little-horror-movie-girl voice.

"Um…what is it, dear?"

Sally held up Medusa's head. "GET PETRIFIED, BITCH!"

Fortunately, Gabe looked into Medusa's eyes. The gorgon's eyes glowed, and Gabe immediately turned to stone.

"Fruity ass punk," Sally muttered.

Then, she pulled out her laptop and logged in to , the Facebook for badass people.

Badass Bitch Sally: My fruity ass husband just disappeared off the face of the earth. 

Siller the Killer: Wait…is he that dumbass piece of shit who wears Victoria's Secret underwear and male perfume?

Badass Bitch Sally: Yep. :D

Conquer Adonis: 'Bout time!

**Badass Bitch Sally just uploaded a new picture titled: Fruity Ass Statue**

Comments for **Fruity Ass Statue** (23)

Siller the Killer: XD

Conquer Adonis: His dick is so small!

Badass Bitch Sally: Why are you looking anyway, gay ass?

Conquer Adonis: Don't challenge me, bitch.

Mr. Don't Fucking Call Me Blowfish: I've been going through some of your pictures…how does a fruity piece of shit like that get a hot piece of ass like you?

Badass Bitch Sally: Reasons you wouldn't understand, loser.

Mr. Don't Fucking Call Me Blowfish: You're going to make me cum.

Badass Bitch Sally: That's nice. Why is your name so effing long?

Mr. Don't Fucking Call Me Blowfish: It's more like a warning/threat.

Badass Bitch Sally: What the fuck is your real name?

Loveable Ares: _Make love to me. Me, me, me, me._

Don't Fuck With Me: Did he just say…love?

HatersRule: What the hell does that mean?

Mr. Don't Fucking Call Me Blowfish: It's a Beyonce song. The radios won't stop playing it. I think it's called 1+1 or some shit.

Badass Bitch Sally: Loveable Ares…UGH! It hurt to type that. Why are you talking about love on ?

Loveable Ares: Love is the best thing in the universe and—did you just say ?

Badass Bitch Sally: Yup.

Loveable Ares: Sorry, I meant to be on . My bad.

Mr. Don't Fucking Call Me Blowfish: It is your bad.

**Loveable Ares has logged off.**

Badass Bitch Sally: You wanna hook up, Blowfish?

Mr. Don't Fucking Call Me Blowfish: Any bitch bad enough to call me blowfish can hook up with me any day.

Badass Bitch Sally: How about a dark alley in Manhattan at 11 p.m. tonight?

Mr. Don't Fucking Call Me Blowfish: Yup. I'll bring my gun.

Ah, badass love.

AN: I hope I didn't offend anyone. I know I haven't updated in a while and that this is a little unfunny, but at least I updated, right? Hope ya like it!


	5. Mr D LOVES Camp HalfBlood

AN: I've started reading the Harry Potter books, and I'm really starting to LOVE the series. J. K. Rowling is amazing. And, please, ignore the Harry Potter rant, that's just Percy's AU personality talking. I think Hermione, Harry, and Ron are awesome!

_Mr. D LOVES Camp Half-Blood_

"Oh! I love this place!" Dionysus, also known as Mr. D, exclaimed. "I love it as much as Hogwarts!"

Mr. D was the Camp Half-Blood director. He was punished by his father Zeus, god of marriage, because he couldn't get a hot wood nymph. As soon as Mr. D came to camp, he loved the place, and was happy that Zeus had punished him. _Who needs a sexy wood nymph, _he thought, _when you've got beautiful Camp Half-Blood? _

"I love this place so much…I COULD SING!" he continued.

"OH WOULD YOU SHUT UP?" yelled Chiron, the Camp Half-Blood activities director. Now, _he _was the one who hated Camp Half-Blood. Chiron was a centaur, and long, long ago, he wished to be a trainer of heroes forever. He, now, came to regret that wish. The campers were starting to get on his nerves, and he would always say their names wrong just because he hated them, and because it annoyed them.

Mr. D skipped over to Chiron. "Chiron, my centaur, I don't see why you hate this place so much! This place is—"

", asgreatasHogwarts," Chiron interrupted quickly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah…you've said it about a million times."

"And I'll say it a million and _one_ times. CAMP HALF-BLOOD IS THE MOST WONDERFUL PLACE IN THE WORLD, AND IS AS GREAT AS HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDY!"

Just then, Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon, walked up to Mr. D. Percy acted like a son of Aphrodite: mean, aggressive, and nasty. He had black hair and sea green eyes, and a face that said "DON'T MESS WITH ME".

"Oh." Chiron sniffed disdainfully. "It's you—Perry Johansson."

"What's it to you, horse ass?" Percy said. He looked at Mr. D. "Mr. D, I was just wondering, why are so fruity?"

Mr. D cocked his head. "Fruity? Oh, you wonderful campers and your wonderful slang. You know, at Hogwarts, the wizards and witches use slang too. Oh, miss Hogwarts. I almost miss those Slytherin kids, and—"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT FREAKING HOGWARTS!" Percy yelled. "THAT'S A STUPID NAME ANYWAY! _HOGWARTS! _I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS! HARRY IS A ME-WANNABE, HERMIONE IS A KNOW-IT-ALL BITCH, RON IS A STUPID GINGER, GINNY IS A WHORE, AND DRACO MALFOY IS JUST—AWFUL! AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE HOUSES! _GRYFFINDOR, SLYTHERIN, HUFFLEPUFF, RAVENCLAW? _J.K. ROWLING WAS ON CRACK WHEN SHE WROTE THAT!"

Mr. D gasped. "How could you…why did you…how dare you insult Hogwarts like that? Hogwarts is an amazing school full of awesome witches and wizards. Harry Potter, is not a you-wannabe. Hermione Granger is a beautiful and smart young lady, and Ron Weasley, no matter what anyone says, _DOES_ have a soul. That will be fifty points from Slytherin."

Suddenly, Draco Malfoy appeared.

"What did _we _do?" he snapped.

"Oh, you didn't do anything," Mr. D answered. "It was Percy, I think he would belong to Slytherin because he's all mean and stuff, and he just said something disrespectful about Hogwarts and J.K. Rowling and stuff, so I took fifty points from Slytherin. Now, run along."

"But Percy is a _Gryffindor prefect_!" Malfoy protested.

Mr. D shook his head. "You're talking about Percy Weasley…wow, last names are really useful."

"Ugh! You're _so _fruity, you old drunk! YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE ABOUT YOU—"

(NOTE: The author has decided to discontinue Malfoy's rant. She personally believes that Malfoy is a Slytherin bitch-punk.)

Mr. D muttered, "I wonder what that word _fruity_ means."

Mr. D zapped himself to the Big House, zapped himself a computer, and went on the website UrbanDictionary. He searched up the word "fruity". It said:

_A guy who is "fruity" is not exactly gay, but feminine and girly._

"Oh," Mr. D. "Well, you know what? I DON'T CARE! I STILL _LOVE_ CAMP HALF-BLOOD! I LOVE IT SO MUCH I'LL SING!"

Mr. D's song went like this:

'_O say, can you see_

_The demigods at Camp Half-Blood?_

_NO, YOU CANNOT!_

_Because you are a MORTAL!_

_Unless you can see through the Mist!_

_Then it's really different!_

_But let's get back to the subject of Camp Half-Blood!_

_Camp is extremely fun!_

_We have Pegasus and swords!_

_Though we're different from Hogwarts!_

_And the half-bloods in here!_

_Monsters disintegrating in air!_

_Gives proof to Tartarus, that the monsters are gone!_

_Oh say does that Camp Half-Blood, yet wave…_

_O'er the world of Percy Jackson and the home of the brave?_

You can buy Dionysus's hit song: Camp Half-Blood anthem, on EBay for 3.000,000 drachmas!

Good singing not included. __


	6. Percy JerksonI mean Jackson

_Percy Jerkson—I mean Jackson_

It was a very beautiful day at Camp Half-Blood. Probably one of the most beautiful days they'd ever seen. But, of course, when there is a gorgeous day, there is always someone to ruin it.

And that someone happens to be Percy Jerkson—Jackson, son of Poseidon.

Clarisse La Rue, daughter of Ares, was giving Silena Beauregard, daughter of Aphrodite, advice about boyfriends.

"You just have to be yourself, Silena," Clarisse explained. "Boys don't like fake girls—"

There was a loud "VROOM, VROOM" sound.

Clarisse and Silena quickly moved out of the way, as did the other campers.

They had to, because a motorcycle was heading straight for them. It parked exactly where Clarisse and Silena had been talking, and the driver took his helmet off. He was a very hot boy, with black hair and sea-green eyes. His motorcycle was decorated with tridents on fire. It was Percy Jerkson—Jackson…no doubt about it.

"'Sup, ladies?" he said, getting off the motorcycle.

"Percy!" Clarisse yelled. "You could've killed us!"

Silena smiled. "What's wrong with killing? Plus, it's good that he's here, I get to beat him to a pulp for wetting me with disgusting toilet water."

"Bitch, you were asking for it," Percy snapped. "Clarisse—" he nodded in Clarisse's direction—"you look fine, girl. I would do you…but that Rick Riordan dude that made me up says I gotta fall for that hot, dumb blonde, Annabeth. So is your father, Ares. You know he visited me? Talking about love and all that other crap."

"Do not insult love in front of me!" Clarisse said.

Percy snorted. "I forgot—you Ares chicks are always PMSing when it comes to your precious love."

"I'm leaving!" Clarisse turned to Silena. "We'll finish talking later." And with that, Clarisse stormed off, muttering something about stupid bad boys.

"Call me!" Percy shouted after her. "By the way, you have a nice as—"

Suddenly, Rick Riordan appeared.

"_Percy," _he scolded.

Percy spread his hands. "Sorry, sorry…I know…I have to end up with Annabeth."

Rick Riordan smiled and vanished.

"If only J.K. Rowling had created me," Percy muttered.

Then, Rick Riordan appeared again.

"_Excuse me?"_

"You heard me!" Percy snapped. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Rick Riordan made a pencil and paper appear. He wrote on the paper: _Suddenly, Percy began to throw up slugs._

Percy coughed, and then coughed again…and out of his mouth came slugs. "Hey! You…c-can't…do that! I'm not…Ron…Weasley!"

"Still wishing that J.K. Rowling created you?"

"N-NO! NOW MAKE IT STOP!"

Rick Riordan used his eraser to erase the sentence.

Percy stopped vomiting slugs, and Rick Riordan vanished again.

"Damn," Percy cursed. "Now…where was I? Oh, yeah…I was being OOC."

"Prissy!" Silena yelled. "STOP PISSING OFF RICK RIORDAN!"

"Why do you care?"

Silena shrugged. "I just have this weird feeling that Clarisse is going to charge a dragon and die really soon."

"Oh…"

"Well, goodbye, jackass." Before Silena left punched Percy in the arm.

"I'm bored," Percy sighed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his pencil. But his pencil wasn't just a pencil…whenever Percy shook it, became a deadly sword. Percy kissed his sword, "Who helps Daddy kill a lot of people? You do! You do!"

Percy shook the sword, and it returned to being a pencil. He got in his motorcycle, started it, and rode it all full speed toward the Athena cabin.

The Athena kids, because of their extreme stupidity, were not all frightened when Percy crashed his motorcycle in one of their bunk beds.

"Oooh!" Mercedes gushed. "Pretty motorcycle! What are does pointy forks with the red stuff on them?"

"Those are tridents on fire, idiot," Percy said.

In a corner, giggling and putting lipstick on her forehead, sat Annabeth Chase. Percy walked up to her.

"Hey, babe, you look good," Percy said.

Annabeth smiled. "It's you! What's your name again? Perry…Pickle…Priscilla…Amanda?"

"It's Percy, babe. Percy Jackson. I'm hearing around camp that you dig hot bad boys! I'm the guy for you."

"OMG! DO YOU THINK THAT HAIR SPRAY IS DRINKABLE?"

"No…but do you want to set the Aphrodite cabin on fire?"

"Hmm," Annabeth pondered. "Fire…isn't that that red stuff on the pointy forks?"

"Yeah."

"Oooh! You know what I want? A pointy fork!"

Percy put his arm around her. "I'll get you a pointy fork, babe…after you watch me set the Aphrodite cabin on fire."

xXx

Percy pulled out a match and lighter from his pocket. He was standing in front of the Aphrodite cabin. It was an ugly cabin with a horrible red paint job and barbed wires. Percy took out seven matches, lit them one by one, and threw them at the Aphrodite cabin.

The cabin immediately erupted in flames.

Guess who appeared again?

"_Percy!" _Rick Riordan yelled. _"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"_

"Setting my enemies on fire, what're you doing…besides yelling at me for setting the Aphrodite cabin on fire?"

"THAT'S THE ONLY THING I'M DOING! YOU KNOW WHAT?" Rick Riordan made a paper and pencil appear again. He wrote on the paper: _Suddenly, Percy was no longer at Camp Half-Blood. He appeared in a huge, beautiful dining room at Hogwarts._

xXx

"Um…why is this kid that looks a lot like me—except for the scar—sitting at our table?" Harry Potter asked.

It was dinner time at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table with his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. He had been enjoying his dinner, until a dangerous-looking boy with black hair and green eyes appeared at his table.

Percy Jerkson—Jackson looked around at his surroundings. "DAMMIT! RICK RIORDAN BROUGHT ME HERE!"

"Rick Riordan? Never heard of him," Hermione Granger said.

"And that's saying something," Ron said. "Because Hermione knows _everything_."

"Oh, shut up, Ron," Hermione snapped, but she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

Percy stared at Hermione in shock. "I THOUGHT YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO HARRY!"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I _do_ wish people would stop implying that. Ron and I are very happy together, thank you very much." She studied him with disdain. "I suppose you don't read very much."

"I'm dyslexic," Percy snapped.

"That's no excuse. And, you have dirt on your nose, did you know that?"

"Um, excuse me," said a voice next to Percy.

Percy turned to look at the voice that had spoken. Sitting next to him was a very hot redhead with freckles and light brown eyes.

"Damn, girl, you are SEXY!" Percy said. "Wait…aren't you that Ginny slut? Didn't you go out with like a million guys?"

"NO!" the redhead snapped. "I _am_ Ginny, though. Ginny Weasley. And you have your elbow in my food."

"I'm Percy—no, not that brother of yours. I'm Percy Jackson, you want to makeout?"

"DON'T HIT ON HER!" Harry yelled at Percy.

"SHUT UP, YOU'RE JUST A ME-WANNABE!"

"Can we please get this bloke in Slytherin?"

AN: Who's as excited as I am? SON OF NEPTUNE COMES OUT IN TWO DAYS! I CAN'T WAIT! :D D D D D


	7. Another One of Them High School Stories

_Another One of Them High School Stories_

"This class is _soooo_ boring," Percy moaned, throwing his head back in his chair.

It was indeed boring. Percy was in Science class. It was 10:30 a.m., and even though the class ended at 11:00 a.m., it seemed hours away before the students would finally get to leave.

"I have an announcement," the teacher, Dr. Boring, said. Dr. Boring talked in a drony voice that could make the biggest insomniac fall asleep. He never said anything interesting, and he definitely lived up to his name. "There is a new student here at Goode. Her name is Annabeth Chase, and I expect you all to welcome her and treat her as if she was your sister, or cousin, or whichever you prefer."

Dr. Boring gestured to someone outside the door, and a girl walked in. As soon as Percy saw her, Percy was in love. She had long, blonde hair curled like a princesses'. Her gray eyes were the most beautiful Percy had ever seen. Blah, blah, blah…

Annabeth Chase waved nervously. "Hi."

"Alright, Annabeth, why don't you sit—" Dr. Boring scanned the room—"next to Percy? He's that boy with the black hair and green eyes."

Annabeth spotted Percy and her eyes widened. _"Harry Potter?"_

Normally, Percy got pissed off when people thought he was Harry Potter, but he found Annabeth so beautiful (blah, blah, blah) that he didn't care. "No, I'm Percy Jackson. I'm not Harry Potter."

Annabeth smiled and sat next to him.

_She's so pretty, _Percy thought dreamily. _We're going to fall in love, go through some stupid and cliché drama with Rachel or some other chick that goes against Percabeth, kiss at the weirdest moment, go through some more drama, go to a romantic school dance together, almost break up, kiss again, and then all the drama will be ended and she'll be my steady girlfriend._

As soon as Annabeth sat down next to Percy, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, a girl who was dying to date Percy, scowled. "That bitch," Rachel muttered. "If she thinks she's getting Percy then she's out of her mind."

xXx

At lunch time, Percy invited Annabeth to sit at his table.

Percy sat with a large group of friends who all had his ADHD and dyslexia.

Sitting at the table were a girl with spiky black hair and electric blue eyes, a very sexy boy with sandy blond hair and blue eyes, two boys who looked exactly alike with brown hair and blue eyes, a girl wearing makeup with black hair and brown eyes, an big African-American guy, and a girl with brown hair and green eyes.

"Annabeth," Percy said, "these are my friends. The punk girl with spiky black hair and blue eyes is Thalia. That good-looking dude that you're bound to fall in love with, but he'll probably break your heart is Luke. Those boys who look exactly alike are Travis and Connor Stoll, though they're not twins. That girl looking like a brunette Barbie is Silena. That muscular African-American dude is Beckendorf, and that girl with brown hair and green eyes is. Oh, watch this!" Percy turned to Katie. "Katie, you want some cereal?"

Katie's eyes widened and her irises got small. She twitched for a while and yelled at the top of her lungs, "CEREAL! CEREAL! WHERE'S MY CEREAL? FROSTED-FLAKES, CHEERIOUS, CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH, RICE KRISPIES, FRUITY PEBBLES, FRUIT LOOPS! CEREAL!"

Suddenly, a bunch of men in white with huge needles came in and grabbed Katie. As they dragged her out to give her her daily medicine, Katie screamed, "TRAVIS! I LOVE YOU!"

"Does that happen everyday?" Annabeth asked.

Thalia nodded. "Yep. She's been signed into rehab by the principal, but she somehow manages to break out of every straitjacket they put on her. Her mother won't do anything about it, either. She's just as cereal-obsessed. She was _normal_ before people heard about us, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"There's this website named Fan Fiction, and our crazy fans sometimes write about Katie as a cereal addict. It's happened so much, now she really _is_ a cereal addict." Thalia checked her watch and said, "Well, it looks like it's time for Rachel to start being a jealous bitch."

As soon as she said it, Rachel Elizabeth Dare burst in. She stormed over to where Annabeth was sitting, her red hair flying behind her. Rachel slammed her hand and said, "Listen, Annie Bell whatever the fuck your name is, Percy is_ mine_! So stay out of my way!"

As Rachel hoped, Annabeth burst into tears.

"NO ONE IN THIS SCHOOL LIKES ME!" she wailed, and she ran out.

"Wait, Annabeth!" Percy yelled after her, getting up. "I WANT TO MAKE BABIES WITH YOU!"

xXx

Annabeth was crying in a broom closet when Luke walked in.

"Hey, Annabeth, you doing okay?" he asked.

"Go away! It's only my first day and drama is happening already. Isn't that supposed to happen in, like, Chapter 4 or something?"

Luke shrugged. "You know how fan fiction writers are." He sat down next to her. "Good thing this isn't one of those stories where you're a mean girl."

Suddenly, another Annabeth appeared. She had blonde hair and gray eyes just like the Annabeth in this story, but she looked much meaner and controlling. The mean-girl Annabeth was wearing a crop top and short-shorts. She glanced at the other Annabeth, "OMG, IS THAT ME? THAT CAN'T BE ME! I'M TOO PERFECT AND HOT TO LOOK LIKE THAT!"

"And just who do you think you are?" the other Annabeth asked.

"I _THINK_ I'M ANNABETH CHASE!"

"Well, _I _think you're a snob."

"Listen, I'm sorry people are so jealous of me, but I can't help it that I'm popular."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, that's what some fan fiction writers make you in their stories. You should see Bully-Victim Annabeth."

Suddenly, yet _another _Annabeth appeared. She had blonde hair and gray eyes, too, but she had braces, glasses, and pimples.

Mean-Girl Annabeth looked and Bully-Victim Annabeth and pretended to gag. "_EWWWWWW_! GIRL, YOU NEED SOME PRO-ACTIV!"

Bully-Victim Annabeth burst into tears. "I'm going to be pretty when I get older, and then Percy will fall in love with me, but not _only_ because of my beauty, but because of my intelligence and strength!"

"I'm really starting to hate fan fiction," the original Annabeth said.

Luke checked his watch and said, "It looks like it's time for you to become infatuated with me."

Annabeth snapped up, smiled at Luke, and threw herself in his arms. "Oh, Luke! Thank you for comforting me!"

Luke smiled back. "No problem, Annabeth."

They walked out happily, holding hands.

"How does a loser like her get a hottie like _him_?" Mean-Girl Annabeth asked.

"He obviously likes her because of her intelligence and strength," Bully-Victim Annabeth snapped.

"You know what? I'm gon' order you some Pro-Activ."

xXx

Two weeks passed, and Annabeth and Luke were getting closer. The bad thing was, Percy's crush on her was getting bigger, and Percy was very jealous of Annabeth's and Luke's relationship.

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Percy yelled as he stormed into his apartment and slammed the door behind him. "I HATE THIS AUTHOR!"

Suddenly, PeacexLovexPercabeth appeared.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

Percy cocked his head. "_PeacexLovexPercabeth_? Aren't you that chick that wrote that offensive story, _What Else Could Go Wrong_?"

"Offensive to _you_," PeacexLovexPercabeth snapped. "But that's not why I'm here! You just said you hated me!"

"I WANT TO KISS ANNABETH AND YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"

PeacexLovexPercabeth stepped forward and smacked Percy across the face in anger. "Now, listen here, you little prissy! I WORK HARD ON MY STORIES! DO YOU KNOW HOW FREAKING _DIFFICULT_ IT IS TO COME UP WITH ALL THE RANDOM AND CRAZY CRAP I PUT IN MY HUMOR FAN FICS? _VERY DIFFICULT! _AND THEN THERE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T APPRECIATE IT! THAT FRUSTRATES ME! I HATE THE FLAMERS! THE FLAMERS ALWAYS SAY SOMETHING LIKE, 'OH! THIS ISN'T FUNNY' OR 'THIS IS BARELY LITERATURE, IT'S JUST A WHOLE BUNCH OF CURSING AND RANDOM STUFF HAPPENING, AS FOR THE HUMOR, IT'S NOT REALLY THAT FUNNY **(AN: No, seriously, someone **_**REALLY**_** reviewed this story saying that.)**'! HEY, ME, DON'T PUT YOUR AUTHOR'S NOTE IN THE MIDDLE OF MY RANT! **(AN: Sorry.) **I SERIOUSLY HATE FLAMERS! IF THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN THEY SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL! _AND___MOST FLAMERS ARE ANONYMUS, SO I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF DELETING THEIR BITCHY REVIEW! SO, LISTEN HERE, PERCY JACKSON! THIS IS A STORY I PUT A LOT OF HARD WORK INTO, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY CRAP FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU WANT TO KISS LITTLE-MISS-WANNABE-HERMIONE!"

"_Geez_, I didn't mean it," Percy moaned.

"YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO STOP RANTING! SINCE YOU'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH ANNABETH, YOU'RE GOING TO GROW THROUGH A WHOLE BUNCH OF CRAP WITH RACHEL, GO THROUGH EVEN MORE CRAP WITH LUKE, KISS HER, ALMOST LOSE HER, GO TO A ROMANTIC DANCE WITH HER, KISS HER AGAIN, GO THROUGH SOME MORE CRAP, GO ON MORE ROMANTIC DATES, ALMOST LOSE HER AGAIN, KISS HER _ONCE AGAIN_, AND THEN BECOME HER STEADY BOYFRIEND! DO—YOU—UNDERSTAND—ME?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"GOOD!"

With that, PeacexLovexPercabeth vanished.

"Gosh, she didn't have to rant almost a whole page about it," Percy groaned.

NOTE: This awful high school story will not be continued…PeacexLovexPercabeth does not wish for anyone to die at the hands of her writing.

AN: Guess who got Son of Neptune? THIS CHICK! Okay…I'm not going to spoil it or anything. I HATE people who spoil a movie or new book! Anyways, this was a parody of those high school stories. I'm not saying I hate the PJO high school stories. Most of them on this website are REALLY good. I'm parodying them for fun. Not to disrespect or degrade them. Have a nice day! And get Son of Neptune fast! I'm only on the, like, 6th chapter and it's already extremely good! Rick Riordan is a genius. :D


	8. Hades Loves EveryoneIncluding Malfoy

_Hades Loves Everyone—Including Draco Malfoy_

"_And I will pose, if I wanna! And I will vogue, like Madonna! I might not dance like M.J., R.I.P., but I will give the best of me. All I want is everything, yes, everything! Too much is not enough, I'm sick of settling for in between, but I'm not giving up! As long as it feels right, at least we know that we're alive!—" _Hades sang happily as he skipped into the room.

"HADES!" Persephone yelled. "STOP SINGING VICTORIA JUSTICE!"

Hades pouted. "Aww, but Victoria is so talented. But I must say I favor Ariana Grande, she's absolutely gorgeous and amazing! And Elizabeth Gillies isn't so bad herself."

"Is there anyone you _don't_ love?"

"I LOVE EVERYONE, PERSEPHONE, DEAR! I even love you, even though you kidnapped me from my beautiful home in the upper land and forced me to marry you."

"Hades, we've been over this. I didn't _kidnap _you. I simply _took you away _against your _will_. It's different shit, Hades."

"I love you even though you are a goddess of death, and I am a god of live. I love you even though you hate Justin Bieber. I love you even though you hate beautiful flowers. I love you even though Adolf Hitler was your son. I love you even though—"

"OKAY, I GET IT!"

"_Who says? Who says you're not perfect? Who says you're not worth it? Who says you're the only one that's hurting? Trust me! That's the price of beauty! Who says you're not pretty? Who says you're not beautiful? Who sa—"_

"OH, YOU KNOW I HATE SELENA GOMEZ!"

Hades gasped. "How could anyone hate _Selena Gomez_?" Suddenly, Hades smirked. "Oh, I see. You're jealous because Selena is dating Justin Bieber."

"You need to stop reading teeny bopper magazines!"

"Oh, Persephone, you have to live in the moment. Stop being so hateful and lighten up! I mean, who likes _death_? Life is wonderful, even if you die a virgin."

Persephone sighed. "No one dies a virgin, Hades. Life fucks us all."

"You've been listening to Kurt Cobain, haven't you?"

"It's better than the bullcrap you listen to now. I mean, seriously, Hades…when are you going to stop being fruity?"

Hades's face lit up—even more. "_OOOOOOH_, FRUIT! That sounds wonderful."

Persephone sighed again and muttered, "_Why? _Why did I choose _him_? Out of all the hot guys in Greece, I had to choose him."

xXx

"I feel so happy," Hades said, "I think I'm going to write a song. Yes! That's what I'll do! Persephone, would you please help me?"

"Anything to shut you up," Persephone grumbled.

One hour later, their song was finished. It went a little something like this:

_Justin Bieber is a guy,_

_George Washington _

_Will never tell a lie._

_Tori from Victorious _

_Is bound to end up with Beck!_

_Freddie Benson is_

_Really into Tech._

_Disney Channel!_

_Nickelodeon!_

_They should all come together as one._

_Carly is a girly girl._

_Sam's hair is styled in curls._

_Robbie is weird._

_But no one cares._

_Shelby Marx can kick your butt!_

"So…do you like the song we made, Persephone, dear?" Hades asked.

"I have to poop," Persephone said blankly.

"DRACO MALFOY IS HOT!" Hades yelled out no where. "I'm sorry…but I just couldn't keep it in anymore **(AN: Me neither!)**. I mean…why doesn't he take his shirt off? I WANT HIM TO TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF!"

Persephone snorted. "Wow."

"Hey! I'm secure."

Suddenly, Draco Malfoy appeared with his shirt off.

"_This is why I'm hot,"_ he sang. _"This is why I'm hot. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot. I'm hot 'cause I'm FLY! Harry Potter is NOT! This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot." _

"OMG, DRACO MALFOY!" Hades shrieked. "YOU ARE AWESOME! TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!"

"Wait!" Malfoy said, suddenly realized where he was. "Why the hell am I _here_? I'm supposed to be doing this for the fangirls **(AN: MALFOY, TAKE YOUR FREAKING PANTS OFF!)**. Why am I in this weird-looking…ugly…depressing…place?"

Persephone growled, "Watch how you talk about my domain."

"What are you gonna do to me?" Malfoy snapped. "I have a wand, _YOU_ don't have a wand!"

"I can do this." Persephone snapped her fingers, and Malfoy collapsed on the floor. Hades rushed up to him and grabbed Malfoy's wrist. There was no pulse.

"You killed him!" Hades exclaimed.

Persephone shrugged. "Well, it's not like Voldemort wasn't going to kill him anyway."

"_Don't say his name_…and the Deathly Hallows has already been released! Draco is still alive! Now—bring him back to life!"

"Nah."

"PERSEPHONE! HE WAS AN INNOCENT SOUL!"

"_INNOCENT?_ He was incredibly mean, and tried to hurt Harry Potter a number of times!"

"Yeah, but—wait, how do you know all this? You don't read Harry Potter."

"Um…I-I've…watched the movie?"

Hades smirked. "You like Harry Potter! Admit it! Admit it!"

"Well…their not the _worst_ books ever written. Happy?"

"BRING MALFOY BACK! PLEASE, PLEASE, _PLEASE_, PERSEPHONE!"

Persephone sighed. "Fine." She snapped her fingers again and Malfoy burst back to life.

Malfoy pulled out his wand, pointed it at Persephone, and shouted, _"Avada Kedravaaaa!" _

To Malfoy's surprise, nothing happened.

"_What?" _he yelled. "You're—you're supposed to be dead!"

"I'm immortal, _fool_!" Persephone shouted. "And anyway, it wouldn't have worked anyway. It's _Avada Kedrava_, not _Avada Kedrav_aaaa."

"You sound like Hermione when she corrects Weasley. Anyway, I'm pretty sure the spell will work on you even if you're immortal so…_Avada Kedravaaa_!"

Nothing happened; Persephone yawned. She walked up to Malfoy and snatched the wand out of his hand.

"Stop, _stop_," Persephone ordered in a very Hermione-like voice. "You're going to end up killing _yourself_. Besides, you're _still_ not saying it right. It's _Avada Kedrava_; you're not supposed to make the A so long."

"Well, you do it then," Malfoy snapped, "if you're so clever. Go on…"

"I can't do it _here_! Everyone else besides me, you, and Hades over there is alive."

"Well…transport somewhere! Can't you gods do stuff like that!"

"Fine."

xXx

Justin Bieber was in his dressing room when two people just…_appeared_. One of them was a woman. She was rather beautiful, with lustrous black hair and stunning eyes. The other one was a boy with white-blond hair and pale gray eyes. They both had murderous looks on their faces. But Justin was more afraid of the woman. Even though she was pretty, she had an extremely dangerous vibe about her. She reminded Justin of Adolf Hitler. The boy looked like he had acted in a Harry Potter movie.

"Um…who are you?" Justin asked.

"I am Queen Persephone, lady of the dead, ruler of the Underworld, and goddess of wealth. And I'm here to prove _this_, bloke something." Persephone pointed at the blond boy when she had "bloke".

"And I'm Draco Malfoy, best and most handsome wizard alive," the blond boy said cockily. "I understand it's an _honor_ for you to meet me, Justin—can I call you Justin?—but _please_ try to _control yourself_. I've had _millions_ of girls—and I'm sad to say boys—drool and faint at the sight of me. But since you are very famous among underage Muggle girls, I expect you to behave better. I know…you have a lot of people drooling and fainting at you, too…it's natural for people who are as sexy as us, but—"

Persephone shouted, "_MALFOY!_ WE'RE HEAR TO DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT! NOW GIVE ME YOUR WAND!"

Malfoy handed his wand to Persephone.

Persephone waved her wand at Justin and yelled, _"Avada Kedrava!"_

There was a burst of green light, and Justin fell to the ground. Malfoy reached out and grabbed Justin's wrist—there was no pulse. He was dead.

"You're welcome," Persephone grumbled.


	9. Emo Percy

_Why So Angsty?_

*Cue emotional music and dramatic narrator voice*

Percy Jackson is a boy filled with pain and sorrow. He was abandoned by his father at birth and left with his mother. His mother was a kind and beautiful Mary-Sue woman, but not really all that much since Rick Riordan is too much of a genius to make a Mary-Sue character. I mean, seriously, Piper McLean may have been beautiful, but she wasn't perfect. Annabeth is pretty, I guess, but a total bitch, complaining all the time. Silena Beauregard was kind of a cry-baby. I hope Aphrodite girls have waterproof makeup or some shit like that, because the amount of times Silena cried…

Where was I?

Oh yeah…angst Percy.

Anyway, Percy's mom, Sally, married this really stinky fat dude because he was rich and shit. But this really stinky fat dude, we'll call him "Smelly Gabe", abused Percy and raped him and touched him sexually and threatened to kill him blah, blah, blah…I couldn't care less about the words I'm saying right now, you know? I mean, I didn't even want to narrate for angst Percy Jackson fic; I wanted to narrate for angst Harry Potter fic, but _noooooo_. They said my voice wasn't cut out for that. They said I could narrate for an angst Twilight, but isn't that book angsty enough? I mean, I tried reading Twilight and immediately stopped after the first chapter. So I just took the Percy Jackson job.

Where was I?

Oh yeah…Smelly Gabe abusing Percy.

So anyway, Smelly Gabe abused Percy to the point where Percy wanted to commit suicide. But Percy kept hanging on. However, he became very angsty and depressed and crap…*sigh* this is so boring. I don't see how people can just narrate in a movie. I mean, sure, they get paid a lot of bucks, but this job is honestly SO boring! It's not even worth reading this, to tell you the truth. An emo boy filled with sadness falls in love with a girl and she helps him through all the hardships in his life—HOW ORIGINAL *sarcasm*! Besides, the stories about Percy being a demigod are wayyy cooler. Percy being emo and sad…BOR—ING! Percy kicking monster ass and being a total BAMF…AWESOME! 

*Sigh*

My boss is yelling at me for insulting the story. My boss is such a douche…

OH SHIT, I THINK HE HEARD ME!

Anyway, the first day at Goode High School finally came, and, of course, Percy was feeling sad about it. He'd never fit in at school. Everyone hated him because he was ADHD and Dyslexic and emo and shit. So Percy was walking down the hallway, and suddenly something caught his eye.

Actually, some_one_ caught his eye.

A girl had walked past him. A beautiful girl. She had long, curly blonde hair and the prettiest gray eyes Percy had ever seen. The very sight of her made him happy.

Okay, HOLD UP!

This boy is abused and sad and doesn't know his one father and nothing, not even a birthday party at Chucky Cheese or something, makes him happy. But when he sees this hot blonde babe, suddenly he feels happy like he just won X-Factor. UNREALISTIC, PEOPLE! _Unrealistic!_

Percy wished she hadn't walked past him so fast. But alas!

OKAY, WHO THE HELL SAYS "ALAS" ANYMORE! THAT IS SOME FUCKERY!

The girl was heading toward Mrs. Conway's room, and Mrs. Conway was his homeroom teacher. Percy didn't walk toward Mrs. Conway's room…he _ran_. He ran so fast he knocked down two sophomores, but he didn't care. He'd do anything to get to Mrs. Conway's room.

When he arrived there, Percy burst through the door, spotted the blonde beauty, and hurriedly took a seat next to her.

"Hi," he panted, trying to smile.

The blonde girl stared at him. "Are you all right? I mean, I know it's the first day of school and everything, but you don't have to bolt through the door like that." She laughed a little.

Her laugh was so beautiful and melodic that Percy was full of sunshine.

*Grunt*

Ughhhh…my stomach is hurting…

*Groan*

Ugh! I have to poop!

*7 minutes later*

Whew…I've never been so happy to take a poop in my life.

So, I'm just going to skip over all the boring school stuff and get to the action part of the story.

It was late at night and Annabeth was walking home from her friend Silena's house. Suddenly, two big and tough-looking guys appeared next to her. They started feeling her up and touching her up and crap. She screamed for help, but no one was there to help her.

Suddenly, Percy just burst out of no where!

He beat the two guys up and carried and unconscious Annabeth to his apartment.

So then, Annabeth woke up. She was really surprised but when she saw Percy she said, "I love you!"

And he said, "I love you too!"

They got married, had more kids than Octomom, and lived happily ever after.

The end.

Now…didn't that make you want to gouge your eyes out? Come back later if you're still alive.

**AN: That was a nightmare. I think I just killed some more of you guy's braincells. Wow, I haven't updated in a long time! Review please!**


End file.
